day 1: how to live with a phantom

My bitter/sweet life in the Netherlands.

Since maybe last Novemberish, I met a very interesting phantom, a guy…phantom. He’s 2 years older than me but always acts like a child, a very silly person. While he’s at the same time very grown up, respectful, playful, tolerant, willing to listen to my opinions, which supposedly should be basic qualities of every human being, but one can rarely equip with. The most importantly, he loves food as much as I do, he loves Japan as much as I do, and he loves sex as much as I do. We are very much alike yet at the same time totally different. For example, he’s a white and I am not; he’s a light sleeper and I snore; he’s emotional when he’s drunk, but I am believed to be made out of tears. I enjoy the sameness’ and the differences of us. It is those trivialities brought us together and now we’re two. Just in two or three months, I feel like I’ve known this person for my whole life. Not in a boring, exhausting way, but a very affectionate, attached way. There are so many barriers in between us, our awkwardness, our financial problems, our diseases, our sleeping patterns, and so on. I believe I gave in most of the time, on almost everything just because I don’t want to lose him. That’s not a good thing at all. The idea of giving in is enough to kill me, since I am always very selfish, as far as I know. But I tend to fell in love very easily, stuck in there deeply, and lose my own identity.

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