When your wool doesn’t match the right needle…
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always believed that the golden rule of being in any kind of relationship is to keep the most important thing to oneself. If I don’t point out the mistakes, if I don’t reveal my true feeling, or if I don’t engage too much emotion, I would never get hurt. And that’s the golden rule of maintaining relationships.
I thought, if I put all the emothional burdens on me, no one would feel pain, including myself. When I kept all the secrets, I felt so tired, but at the same time I felt like a manipulative queen. Yet the day still came. I was forced to spit it out, the truth, in front of those soft greenish blue eyes. At that moment his sights spontaneously turned sharp and cold. I could almost see that despise, relentlessly put me down to the deepest regretion and embarrassment. Why is truth so painful, just because lying is so easy? I weaved a beautiful lie with my true heart, and now the yarn is all tangled.
It’s heartbreaking and shameful that you think I’m disgusting.